Relationship Insurance

The holidays mark special celebrations in addition to Christmas and Chanukah, such as engagements and weddings.  Christmas Eve and New Year’s Eve provide perfect settings for proposals, diamond rings, and marriages. 

The timing insures that no one will forget the date of these special occasions.  The day you get engaged and the day you get married are surely two of the happiest days of your life.  Your heart and mind are overflowing with love and great expectations.  As much as you want to sustain the euphoria of new love, any seasoned married veteran will tell you that a healthy marriage or relationship takes some work. 

The problem is that often a novice couple doesn’t know the correct steps to take to navigate a strong relationship. This is where couple or marriage counseling plays an important role.  As a relationship counselor, I can observe communication glitches and self-defeating behavior patterns before they sabotage a relationship, creating unnecessary pain and walls of resentment.  I also use a tool, the Myers-Briggs Personality Inventory that allows me to make“map” of a couple’s personality preferences.  From that map, I can predict where conflict is likely to occur and make suggestions about how to avoid the conflict.

Before you tie the knot, get premarital counseling.  If you are a married couple or you are in a committed relationship and you are struggling, consider marriage or couple counseling.  You owe it to yourself and your partner to learn how to love each better.  An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.  For more information, email me at susanboyes@susanboyes.com or visit my website.

The Perfect Gift

Are you looking for the perfect gift for your special someone?  How does free, easy to get, and sure to bring pleasure for a looooong time sound to you?  You’ve heard that “It’s not the gift; it’s the thought that counts”.  Well, in this case, that is precisely the point.  Follow these simple instructions and you are guaranteed to have a happy relationship and a happy partner:

1.      Before your feet hit the floor in the morning, complete this sentence: I am so happy and grateful that (name)______________ is in my life because ________________, ______________, and ______________. 

2.      *Complete this sentence: I am so happy and grateful that I today I ______________________________________________________________.

3.      Take a couple of deep breaths and SMILE.

Better yet, write out your affirmations.  Now you are ready to start your day.

When you follow this daily routine, here is what happens.  First you set an intention to focus on gratitude which raises you energy frequency and causes your brain to send signals to your body to produce the feel-good chemicals endorphins, dopamine, and serotonin.  Your energy field (the space around your body) is lighter, brighter and more loving and compassionate.

People in your immediate environment are unconsciously affected by the vibes you are sending out so they enjoy how they feel in your presence. This is a recipe for a strong, reciprocal relationship.  Repeated on a daily basis, you can alter your neural circuitry (brain patterns) and your neuro-chemistry so you consistently feel better about your partner and yourself.  What a fabulous gift! 

*Examples: am healthy, am loved, have a job, receive an unexpected windfall, attract success, am a father/mother, have friends, am brilliant, have an appointment with my marriage counselor, etc. 

Holiday Survival Skills for Men

We all know that men and women see many things very differently.  This holiday season will be a learning experience for many men who make the major mistake of selecting the wrong gift for their special woman.  A blunder of this nature can take on gargantuan proportions.

The first Christmas my husband and I were together, he gave me a blender.  He even used a 20% off coupon I gave him for a department store.  Because this was our first Christmas together, I had knocked myself out decorating, cooking, shopping, gift-wrapping, and making other holiday preparations for his three sons and my four daughters. I wanted everything to be perfect.  

Everyone was having a wonderful time Christmas morning tearing into their gifts.  I kept wondering what was under the tree for me.  When I finally unwrapped the blender, an ungodly rage erupted inside of me.  I wanted rip his arms off and pummel his stupid head with them.  Although, I resisted the urge toward violence, believe me he paid dearly for his indiscretion in equally painful consequences.

Now I leave nothing to chance.  Well in advance of an occasion, I remind him that the event is coming up and I tell him exactly what I want and where to buy it.  He is wise enough to follow my directions, including having it beautifully wrapped.  It is a win-win victory.  If you want to preserve a happy marriage or a joyful relationship, guys don’t buy the wrong gift.  If your relationship is in a free fall, maybe I can help. Email me at susanboyes@susanboyes.com or visit my website.